a Desire that Hurts..

My heart seems so weak lately, with the added stress and workload, working midnights at my munckin's.. its eating inside me and i'm beginning to lose myself.. for the one word - Money, a desire that hurts.

I know Money isn't everything.

I know i Shouldn't be feeling this way..

I know the Fact this is not healthy.

But who can actually control what the Heart desires..

My only reason for this desire is because i wish to provide, my love ones a better life.. but yet i can't. yet.. and that.. kills me.

I know it takes time, but i'm impatient..

I know its not easy, but i will still fight for it to happen..

Cause this Desire has built in me, since i was a Little girl.

I promised my mum, i'll bring her around the world when i start earning money..

Reminiscing the promises i made to my mum since i was little, puts a slight smile to my face but a heavy heart that questions : When will the day be?

I don't know why i have this dark emotions that strikes me all sudden.

Probably its because i Fail to get what i really wanted to from work - rewards.

Probably i have overworked myself, now i'm like a walking skeleton and my mind do not rationalize properly.

Sigh. But it hurts..

Well, thats That. Let me share with you what i went through yesterday.

I had a chat with my lady boss, and obviously i was disappointed.. but i guess i was ready to face the disappointment because i was told millions of times that she doesn't appreciate.. and i was calm after the talk, even though i failed miserably to convey what i really wanted.

Inside me, i felt that sour-ish feeling, but i did not want to dwell on it as i know it's going to be waste of time.. so i ring-ed my munchkin, i wanted to talk 2 him 2 calm myself *lol, btw, his voice is some kinda therapeutic medication for me at situations like that..*

He really made me teared.

He said : I guess working late nights for me has taken toll of you and your work, every night when i come home, it hurts me watching you sleep, cause even when you're sleeping, i can see that you're so tired baby.. i'm so sorry..

I paused for a moment, i teared. Honestly, working midnights for him isn't the main issue because it only makes me tired physically but it doesn't interfere my deliverance at work..

I teared because his love is so fulfilling.

It gives me a sense of contentment in life where everything else don't really matter..

He told me to be patient, to not take Money as the prime reason for everything i do..

For then i'll be disappointed because i look for monetary returns in all i do..

Where's that girl that used to work with passion and excitement of accomplishments, she is now only looking at the rewards to keep her going?

Honestly, i Don't know.. really.

I miss my mum now, i'm going back to her arms tonight.. i really need those moments, to collect myself back as a whole.