the Rounds of Tests..

Sorry for the Long Silence.. it has been tough tough weeks for me : trying to maintain the passion for work, trying to balance things in life - rship/family/friends/work, trying to make ends meet, Trying to please people simultaneously also, myself.

Man. i'm Really, really, tired inside me.

I had a row with my Munchkin few weeks back, well, it's over, done with. I'm taking the whole situation positively. Yes, the happily-ever-after couple gotten into a serious argument where I nearly walked out the hse etc. yes, that Dramatic.

I had my answers, he has his.. i had my Positive intentions but it didn't seem positive to him.. i was just saying things out frm my blank mind but it was too sharp that sliced him inside thus created an uglee scene of us both, with tears to End it.

No matter how hurtful things can be said, i nearly wanted to strangle him so bad for not weighing the whole situation and making it seem such a BAD thing while it isn't.. Taking every damn thing so personal at heart, till i'm speechless when it meant the Best for him.. Sigh. I'm not him, his not me.. thus i don't expect him to see my angle but least Understand when i'm relating it to you, WHY do i do so, WHY do i say so, WHY.. not blindly argue-ing back.

I was so upset with him, cudn't sleep the whole night.. eyes flooded with tears so it looks like i got punched at the eye.. i just had to consult my friends about it.

I do that cause i want to know if i'm seeing it wrongly or have i overlooked on his feeling because honestly i was too drown to the fact that ALL i do is for him but he thinks i'm doing it out of Nothing and i can't rationalized anymore due to the emotions overwhelming the thoughts.

I'm a very dominating girl, and well, thats not really good cause i tend to want to DOMINATE everything i do, or things under my roof.. i like to Lead and manage all my own, with my own ways.. I do not like to reason out myself too much, but i constantly seek loop holes for difficult situations and i ask probably too much to avoid the wrongs - perfectionist in short.

And that is also NOT good.

Well, i'm trying really hard to be better.. but when situation needs me to compromise too much, i will retaliate.. and fight. Thats my nature as i don't believe in losing myself for others.. But he's the ONLY, one and ONLY that made me LOSE MYSELF for him - utmost wILLingly.

I think he Bomoh-ed me.. do you think so too? hmm......

Love, love lil3pees!