What i'm trying to say here is..
2 weeks of crucial learning has caused a hurricane in me..
I'm not as good as the other person, i may be worse but the jealousy/over-confident feeling caused me to pinpoint other's every fault, make it seem like i'm the Better - to feel good but trust me, it doesn't work that way - i didn't feel any happier after.. i felt WORSE.
I've heard so much about myself from others, the perceptions i created, honestly its starting to be quite `effing ugly.. from the closest people - it just deepens the wound. i asked myself WHY..
Still trying to stay in denial, proving to myself i had valid right reasons for it but NO, i know deep inside, i'm losing myself, SLOWLY - bit by bit because i'm chasing what i call BIG DREAMS but its causing me to lose rationality and sometimes running overboard with my thinking and actions that caused me now, sleepless..
But i will repent, i will learn, i will steer to be Better.
For i'm looking forward to nail the first trophy this Saturday, i will try my best to make it one of the greatest achievement of mine so far, to prove to myself that i can do it..
I'm trying to get rid negative emotions/feelings.. but its haunting me.
I honestly am worried, i wonder am i on the right track, the calmness is freaking me out and driving me nuts till i can't sleep, trying to figure out where are the gwad darn LOOP HOLES..
I hate it when i overlook things.. it makes you feel stupid that moment, and the worst is to be shot in front of your superior, when you're trying to stand out.. HATE that feeling!
Blogging negativity and all these mentioned above clearly shows how NOT confident and also proves that i can't handle stress.. but i'm really in deep shiet, too much going in my head, not just about this SAT but I've too many things under my roof that's hanging by a thread and i feel terribleeeeeee..
DARN, i want Sunday to come sooner!
-i'mNotlil3peesbutherTwin-
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