the Little bits of Me..

There's so much i have to do, yet Procrastination got into it and delayed all that is important to me.. Weekend went by with me doing Absolutely Nothing because i was down with sickness and that makes me upset..

I've made a deadline to myself.

I need to complete the lists below before this weekend comes..

1. VISIT DIGI!

2. COMPLETE my damn long-overdue RESUME!

3. SEND IN the important FORM for Singapore!

4. PLAN my Lil bro's short gateaway/Singapore Trip/Appreciation trip!

5. UPLOAD overdue pictures, BIRTHDAYS, my own and Munchkins!

6. ESPRESSO BAR! marketing plan/strategy!

7. BABY T's menu pictorial update!

8. MY MEDICATIONS!

9. ......... can't recall, i remember i got 10 things.

Anyway, i wish i could be more persistent to somethings i want to get in Life..

I will try to work on it.. I will try my best to fulfill all the above b4 the end of this week.. Awaits for my lil brother to be back, so i have more excuse to be back home or a Holiday!

Love,

Lil3pees!

Weird baby Dream :)

It was such a weird night, I actually dreamt i was pregnant and i gave birth to my own baby last night, it was a Baby boy.. Zen Ming. It was a very messy or rather there was a lot elements of thinking involved, its not like its a whole story - some parts in the dream, i was hesitating to give birth naturally or by operation, other parts i was busy thinking of his Christian name. LOL! and i could remember so clearly how my baby looked like, so adorable. He looks like me when i was a baby but in the male version. :) uber cuteness, made my heart melt in my dream.. oh my, i felt the Mother-ly feeling in the dream, with my baby able to start speaking and walking on his own so fast.

Sigh, its only a dream.

Anyway, least its a happy one :)

I came across this Funny email, i want you guys to Cheer up, giggle at it.

Desperate Students during exams!

Hope i DID made you giggle..

Life's really tough at this moment for me, everything's hanging by a thread, Should i Leave or Stay?

Damn, Life decisions.

Love,

Lil3Pees!

a Desire that Hurts..

My heart seems so weak lately, with the added stress and workload, working midnights at my munckin's.. its eating inside me and i'm beginning to lose myself.. for the one word - Money, a desire that hurts.

I know Money isn't everything.

I know i Shouldn't be feeling this way..

I know the Fact this is not healthy.

But who can actually control what the Heart desires..

My only reason for this desire is because i wish to provide, my love ones a better life.. but yet i can't. yet.. and that.. kills me.

I know it takes time, but i'm impatient..

I know its not easy, but i will still fight for it to happen..

Cause this Desire has built in me, since i was a Little girl.

I promised my mum, i'll bring her around the world when i start earning money..

Reminiscing the promises i made to my mum since i was little, puts a slight smile to my face but a heavy heart that questions : When will the day be?

I don't know why i have this dark emotions that strikes me all sudden.

Probably its because i Fail to get what i really wanted to from work - rewards.

Probably i have overworked myself, now i'm like a walking skeleton and my mind do not rationalize properly.

Sigh. But it hurts..

Well, thats That. Let me share with you what i went through yesterday.

I had a chat with my lady boss, and obviously i was disappointed.. but i guess i was ready to face the disappointment because i was told millions of times that she doesn't appreciate.. and i was calm after the talk, even though i failed miserably to convey what i really wanted.

Inside me, i felt that sour-ish feeling, but i did not want to dwell on it as i know it's going to be waste of time.. so i ring-ed my munchkin, i wanted to talk 2 him 2 calm myself *lol, btw, his voice is some kinda therapeutic medication for me at situations like that..*

He really made me teared.

He said : I guess working late nights for me has taken toll of you and your work, every night when i come home, it hurts me watching you sleep, cause even when you're sleeping, i can see that you're so tired baby.. i'm so sorry..

I paused for a moment, i teared. Honestly, working midnights for him isn't the main issue because it only makes me tired physically but it doesn't interfere my deliverance at work..

I teared because his love is so fulfilling.

It gives me a sense of contentment in life where everything else don't really matter..

He told me to be patient, to not take Money as the prime reason for everything i do..

For then i'll be disappointed because i look for monetary returns in all i do..

Where's that girl that used to work with passion and excitement of accomplishments, she is now only looking at the rewards to keep her going?

Honestly, i Don't know.. really.

I miss my mum now, i'm going back to her arms tonight.. i really need those moments, to collect myself back as a whole.

the Rounds of Tests..

Sorry for the Long Silence.. it has been tough tough weeks for me : trying to maintain the passion for work, trying to balance things in life - rship/family/friends/work, trying to make ends meet, Trying to please people simultaneously also, myself.

Man. i'm Really, really, tired inside me.

I had a row with my Munchkin few weeks back, well, it's over, done with. I'm taking the whole situation positively. Yes, the happily-ever-after couple gotten into a serious argument where I nearly walked out the hse etc. yes, that Dramatic.

I had my answers, he has his.. i had my Positive intentions but it didn't seem positive to him.. i was just saying things out frm my blank mind but it was too sharp that sliced him inside thus created an uglee scene of us both, with tears to End it.

No matter how hurtful things can be said, i nearly wanted to strangle him so bad for not weighing the whole situation and making it seem such a BAD thing while it isn't.. Taking every damn thing so personal at heart, till i'm speechless when it meant the Best for him.. Sigh. I'm not him, his not me.. thus i don't expect him to see my angle but least Understand when i'm relating it to you, WHY do i do so, WHY do i say so, WHY.. not blindly argue-ing back.

I was so upset with him, cudn't sleep the whole night.. eyes flooded with tears so it looks like i got punched at the eye.. i just had to consult my friends about it.

I do that cause i want to know if i'm seeing it wrongly or have i overlooked on his feeling because honestly i was too drown to the fact that ALL i do is for him but he thinks i'm doing it out of Nothing and i can't rationalized anymore due to the emotions overwhelming the thoughts.

I'm a very dominating girl, and well, thats not really good cause i tend to want to DOMINATE everything i do, or things under my roof.. i like to Lead and manage all my own, with my own ways.. I do not like to reason out myself too much, but i constantly seek loop holes for difficult situations and i ask probably too much to avoid the wrongs - perfectionist in short.

And that is also NOT good.

Well, i'm trying really hard to be better.. but when situation needs me to compromise too much, i will retaliate.. and fight. Thats my nature as i don't believe in losing myself for others.. But he's the ONLY, one and ONLY that made me LOSE MYSELF for him - utmost wILLingly.

I think he Bomoh-ed me.. do you think so too? hmm......

Love, love lil3pees!