Reading the Book, made me realize, relationship is only blessed and healthy if you pursue-d it in God's approval and timing.
And so i tear-ed.
Teared because i don't know if God wants me to give up this relationship and rely totally in Him to see where this goes, or if he's the One for me.
To see if this Person was in God's plan, to see if we're meant for marriage.
I tear-ed again.
I know my priorities and desires has changed drastically.
Knowing that romantic love stories isn't what i'm aiming, i aim to know if this is approved by Him, i know i have to do what's right rather than what felt right.
Here's a passage in the book that touched me.
"I like to think that the relationship between wisdom and romance is like the one between the string and a kite. Romantic love is the kite that catches the wind and tenaciously heads for the sky; wisdom is the string that tugs downward, holding it back. The tension is real but healthy. I suppose there are times when a kite feels tied down by the string. "If this bothersome string would just let go of me, I could fly really high," the kite might think. But that isn't true, is it? Without the string holding it in the face of the wind, the kite would quickly come crashing to the ground. In the same way, romance without wisdom will soon take a nosedive. It's not enough to simply have romantic feelings. Anyone can do that! Long-lasting romance needs practical, commonsense wisdom that knows when to let the wind of feelings carry us higher and when to pull back. When to express our emotions and when to keep quiet. When to open our hearts, and when to rein them in."
So am i doing it right for both?
I always thought to myself, if He's not meant for me, send me away. Send me or land me an overseas job offer or something. That's the best way to end this relationship that't not meant to be. But nothing happened.
Maybe cause i didn't do anything about it accept hoping that God fulfills my dream job, to be an air-hostess, but i didn't get it.
So i conclude myself, God has better plans for me Here.
Am i really relying on God or my own comfort to God's plans? If God were to tell me NO, will i obey? I don't know but i really want to know.
Anyway I didn't think twice about my relationship anymore then, thinking maybe God wants me to touch his life, his family's.. I don't know. I just make assumptions, without seeking God. Again, with my own wisdom and strength - conclusion, leads me no where but confused heart, all over again. and again. A doubtful thought and feelings, simply messed up and confused w no proper objectives of where this could ever lead to, no confirmation at all..
Reading the book, i teared cause knowing my relationship is dependable on human's wisdom n strength, we never seek God's approval neither we're making efforts to make it a real worthy-relationship, full of God's blessing and meant for.
I'm troubled by the thoughts of letting go.
Letting go not because i can't.
But whether i know how to handle it.
Whether is giving up is the only Option.
What if God has a plan for it that i didn't know of..
What if this WAS meant to be?
I'm praying for God's wisdom.
I shall seek His approval and will for us - if we are meant for each other.
But again.
How.
Should i stay away from him? Should i act like nothing happen and keep praying?
How can i start?
How can i move?
How can i lead the relationship i want to?
And dream about?
Only God knows, and if you're willing to let Him intervene, everything's going to be alright.
I'm Sure.
Love,
Lil3pees-in-dilemma
No comments:
Post a Comment